Frustration

My primary journal is on livejournal. I intend to use this journal as a place to record my weightloss, and issues relating to diet and excercise.

This week has been extremely frustrating. I didn't gain, but I only lost .5 pounds. A loss is a loss, and I want to stay positive about that, but I've been working SO HARD! I've excercised four hours this week and been almost perfectly "on program" as far as eating goes. I even managed to be good on my anniversary! I carved off 1/4th of the most delictable filet mignon I think that I have ever had, shunned my twice-baked potatoes (Okay, I ate two bites), skipped bread and dessert, and only had one glass of wine...and nada.

Part of me wonders if I am eating too little? I've been under the 1200 calorie mark three times this week. I've also gotten a woeful amount of fiber. I'm going to aim for 1350 this week and work on upping the fiber (and being better about my water), and seeing if that works.

I am bummed about failing to reach my Scotland goal. I'm leaving on September 15th, just under three weeks from now. My original goal was 175 (now hopeless), and my follow-up goal was to be in the 170's (I kind of, sort of may have lied to the guy at the stables (where we are riding in Skye) about my weight)...and I don't know if that is doable, given this damn plateau! At two pounds per week I should squeak by- but that's only if my body kicks things back into gear!

In any event, I'm trying to focus on the positive. I haven't even seen the 180's for years. I had gotten down to 175ish five years ago (amusingly, the last time that I went to Scotland) and almost all of those clothes are fitting. I can wear my "Scotland jeans" again (although the Paige Denim jeans that I treated myself to for my birthday still make me feel too self-conscious for me to actually wear. I've got to get 175 to wear those!). The excercise is helping me deal with a lot of stress (I have a criminal case that has decided to get all hot and complicate RIGHT while I'm trying to sneak out of the country). I think that I am probably more toned this time than the last time I was thinnish (well, we won't call it thin, we'll call it "NOT morbidly obese). I was running a lot then, but skimping on strength training. I'm only following the Spark regime, but I can still tell a definite difference.

No longer qualifying as "morbidly obese" is another positive. I'm am now solidly "overweight"- which is a nice change, and whenever I get the urge to chuck it, I think about how far I've come- nearly 50 pounds now! If I hadn't started when I did, I would still be wallowing around gigantic, hating myself. Now, at least, I am in "Normal people" clothes (I am lucky in that, despite weighing 185, I could probably get away with claiming to weigh the 170 that I lied about. I have dense bones and big boobs and I'm easily in (alas, American) 14's now, 12's in some things).

Anyhow, my goal this week is to get out of my plateau!

Revised Scotland goal (in the 170's) is still alive (but barely), and my New York City goal (to be "Normal" Weight (by November 17th) is also still plausible.

Back to work!

EDIT: These pics were taken this morning (fresh out of the shower) to shame myself into motivation. The stretch marks are, happily, from having a baby, not mere fatness. Trust me, this IS an improvement.

Also, I got back on the scale just BEFORE the shower and got 184.5. Since I'm shameless (and it is still my weigh-in day) I am counting that...so that gives me a little perk.