Isn't being a girl great?

Yes, I have been AWOL for a few days. There isn't much to report. My most recent visit to the scale (last night before bed) was a disappointing one: 204.0- although, I don't really believe that it is a true gain. I have been shockingly good. However, I am on my period, and I think that has something to do with the situation.

Unlike most people, my weight tends to go DOWN during PMS (by about 5 pounds) and then shoots back up again when I finally start. I hadn't been weighing myself regularly prior to what I THOUGHT was PMS week, but ended up being my monthly visit a week early. Now I think it is possible that my initial measurement was artificially depressed. If that were the case, 204 would actually be a victory...but perhaps I am merely psyching myself out? I don't know, but I have to keep the faith.

I suppose that this is yet another reason that men have it so much easier when it comes to losing weight. Not only do they have higher metabolisms and drop weight like a tree shedding leaves, but they don't have to deal with the added challenge of hormone fluctuations. I know that most of my weight problem stems from emotional/binge eating, but I know that it is also affected by my time of the month- in both positive and negative ways. The week before my period, it typically feels like there is not enough food in the world to fill my stomach. Then, the week after- I feel like I could cruise all day on a few peanut butter and crackers. In my experience, birth control only makes the situation worse because I get stuck in the "week before" mode. I have never gone on it without gaining at least 20 pounds.

I have to concentrate on the bright side: guys may have it easier, but they don't look nearly as cute in bikinis when they reach their goal! ;)

Shaping the Path

203.5...that will have to be the official weight of the week. I managed to coerce the scale into 203 at one point yesterday evening, but I think that the above-referenced number is less attributable to shenanigans.

Sooooo...on the one hand, I am depressed that I have failed to reach my unrealistic goal of 2.5 pounds per week. On the other- a loss is a loss, right? I would have been THRILLED if I had kept to my promise of stepping onto the scale only once per week. However, I weighed myself about 20000000000 times per day, so I fell victim to the false hope and grief that water fluctuations wreak.

2 pounds down for the week. Not bad! I am pleased that I spent the entire week going in a positive direction. I had a total breakthrough at the movies yesterday as well. Although I DID order popcorn for my daughter, I took a little plastic ziplock bag (sandwich sized), filled it up out of her bucket and limited myself to just that much. It was a pretty nice compromise. I read a book recently "Switch: How to Change things When Changing is Hard", (http://www.amazon.com/Switch-Change-Things-When-ebook/dp/B0030DHPGQ/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&m=AG56TWVU5XWC2&s=digital-text&qid=1276541301&sr=1-1) and it cited research about why people eat. They did an experiment where they gave people terrible, close to inedible popcorn in different sized containers and sent them to watch a movie. In the end, the people with the biggest sized containers ate the most, even though the popcorn was nasty and they weren't hungry at all. The example is cited as a lead-in to a concept that the authors call "shaping the path"- that is, rather than relying on your own internal motivation to employ a different behavior, you manipulate your outside environment to make it more difficult (if not impossible) to act in the undesired fashion. So, if I have a tiny bag of popcorn, I am less likely to gorge (and I know how much I ate!). Another example is eating off of small plates, or the weight-loss-book-favorite: having half of your meal at a restaurant boxed up before it comes to your table (Who DOES that? Honestly!!!! (Although, I ordered Key Lime Pie at Red Lobster Friday night (I know, I know! I was naughty- but listen!) and asked for a box along with the pie (so that I could carve off a little sliver and put the rest away like a good girl). The waitress pre-boxed it for me (defeating my purpose, since I had to break into the box to get the bite that I was dying for anyhow)).

I think that there really is something to this "path" idea. I am looking for other examples to put into practice. If anyone stumbles across this blog, let me know if you have ideas!

THIS is what I am capable of....me around 165, 3 years ago:

Scale Obsession

Ok. I lied about staying off the scale. I peeked. 205.0 today...so down another .5 pounds, IF I believe my scale...and I'm not sure that I do.

My current scale is remarkably temperamental. If I step on with my right foot, instead of my left, it can tweak the measurement down about half a pound. I can also adjust the measurement by moving it from one side of the bathroom to the other. I KNOW that this leads to inaccurate measurements...but I still resort to those tricks when I need a psychological boost.

I wish that I could follow the advice in weight-loss books and concentrate on my measurements instead of my weight. That's what REALLY matters, after all. My measurement changes aren't typically very dramatic, since I am one of those people who loses/gains/retains pretty much evenly. Don't get my wrong, I'm grateful. I think I look better than I should for someone over the 200 pound mark:
Obviously there is room for improvement...TONS (I mean that almost literally :P).

The law of conservation of matter does not apply to my body...

205.5 again this morning...after a day of PERFECT eating and excercise...I even had some fruits and veggies (are Ranier Cherries fruits or candy? I can't decide)!

I have been on enough diets (BELIEVE ME, I've been on enough diets!) to know that these "stuck" days are part of the game. It is one of the primary arguments in favor of weighing in once per week. On the other hand, when I DON'T weigh in every day, I have a tendency to fudge things more than if the scale was "keeping me honest". It is a dilemma.

I had another (mostly) good day. Had the usual (peanut butter on melba toast) for breakfast, but threw in a nice banana. For lunch, I took one of those Hormel "shelf stable" meals...I swear that I TRIED to choke it down...but I couldn't. It looked too much like a sponge, floating on a glistening puddle of snot (appetizing, yes?)...I threw it away and had two packs of Lorna Doone 100 Cal treats...needless to say, carb loading was a HUGE mistake- I have determined that I am super sensitive to sugar highs/lows...but there was no other choice. A major downside of living on an Army post: Your food choices are Burger King, Pizza Hut and Popeyes Chicken...none of those places really appealed to me even BEFORE I decided to get healthy...if only I was a soldier/dependent- then I could, at least, swing by the commissary or the shoppette to pick up something decent (driving to the nearest off-post grocery store is pretty much made of fail). In any event, until I buckle down and buy a mini-fridge, I am stuck with shelf-stable lunches....any ideas?

THIS is what happens when you don't post for...uhm...three years

Not that anyone out there is reading, BUT....

It is probably well past time for an update! The SHORT version of events is that I gained almost all of my weight back again. I flirted with 220 a few months ago. It was...not fun.

It is strange how FAST regain seems to happen. One day, your jeans are a little snug (obviously left in the dryer too long). The next day, you decide to wear sweatpants...two weeks later, you are riding one of those little scooters at Wal-Mart...it is BAD!

Apart from getting fat, I made some other changes- got a divorce, changed jobs, moved 2000 miles away- you know, just a few little things.

In any event, I am trying to get my weight down again...there are a lot of reasons (among them the fact that I need to trap a new man now that I am a single gal ;))...mostly (and this is me being honest), I just want to feel like a grown up who is in control of myself.

I 100% believe that a lot of people who are severely overweight- possibly even MOST- are victims of things beyond their control: slow metabolism, underactive thyroid, injuries that prevent excercise, etc....I am NOT one of those people. I am a TOTAL binge eater- a LAZY binge eater, since I CAN stay in control, I just get distracted too easily. Impulse control is a huge issue for me, and I want to address it in all areas of my life- the "food" bit is just the easiest to blog about.

So...should anyone stumble across this by accident and take an interest, as of 6:30 AM, I weighed 205.5 pounds. I had a decent day eating-wide. Started off with peanut butter on melba toast (with a naughty little sprinkle of mini-chocolate-chips), lunch was penne pasta and a100-calorie pack of lorna doone cookies. Dinner was a handful of Rainier (okay...2) cherries and Cooking Light Fettucine Alfredo (and some stolen handfulls of my daughter's Target popcorn)...ended up about 1295 calories....ZERO veggies and hardly any protien, so there is clearly room for improvement, but at least there was a calorie deficit.

I will try to update soon (and possibly even take a stab at writing something interesting).