TRIUMPH!!!!!

I FINALLY hit 175.
175 is my official lowest adult weight. Honestly, I haven't seen that number since before I graduated from High School. I am SO excited! It is only 5 pounds less than when I was in Scotland, but it was a hard-fought 5 pounds! Unfortunately, I've been celebrating by eating at the top of my range! (at the top- but not over! I was ONE calorie shy today *g*)

I am revising my "New York" goal to 170. I'd LOVE to be 164, but my weightloss has still slowed down. I'm already busy firming up strategy for the Holidays. "Mindless" eating is a huge problem for me! Fortunately, we are having Thanksgiving here in Kentucky. Holidays with my family are generally modest affairs. We go to mom's, eat, and come home- usually 2 hours start to finish. Christmas is what I'm REALLY dreading (food-wise). We will be at Jess's mom's house. His mother is a doctor, who doesn't believe in cooking with refined sugar, butter or salt, and is forever sneaking in wheat germ and tofu. I don't mind healthy food, but bland, horrific healthy food generally sets me off on a binge. I've literally taken to PACKING food to take to their house, and/or creating a fake errand that I need to run and pigging out in a drive through. I know it's disgusting. I should LOSE weight when we stay with her- but the opposite is true!

The other problem is that, in a strangely counter-intuitive twist, at Christmas time her house is PACKED with sweets that come from somewhere else: huge boxes of cookies and fudge and toffee...which my binge-wired brain can't get enough of!

They are coming to visit this weekend. I'm having trouble fitting all of my workouts in- I need something I can do indoors! I'd love to join a gym but (yes, I DO live in BFE) there aren't any here. I ran twice (2.5 miles each time, go me!) and meant to run today, but had to pick up Susie instead. I'm going to try to get a walk in tomorrow at work and, possibly, run or walk with my in-laws when they are in town on Saturday.

Slow and Steady...

I think I'm going to choke the next person who says "Slow and steady wins the race". Yes, looking back, I probably won't remember how MIND-NUMBINGLY SLOW this is getting, but for now, it is REALLY getting old.

Despite upping my running, despite staying well under my 1500 cals per day ALL week, despite maxing out on calcium and fiber, DESPITE drinking all of my water, I only eked out a one pound loss?

I'm a freak of nature- I COMPLETELY defy the "one pound=3500 calories" formula.

Okay, I know I need to focus on the positives or I am going to let myself get discouraged. I'm not actually giving UP any ground- that's good. This weekend I had the WONDERFUL experiences of fitting into a stack of 10's that my mom was throwing away (okay, they are "mommish" 10s, not high-fashion ones, but STILL!), and I also learned that I have a new motivation. Next Christmas (not this one, alas) we are all going to St. Thomas on a big family holiday. Jess's grandparents have booked out the whole Inn where they usually stay, so that's going to be fun. My "Long term" goal is going to be to wear a bikini- which I haven't done since I was 16 years old!

A tie still isn't a loss...

178
178
178!!!!

Okay, I HAVE to stop standing on the scale every time I walk by (and, next time, I will make sure that the scale I purchase hasn't been implanted with a secret program designed to DRIVE ME INSANE!!!- no matter what- if I've just peed, taken off my clothes, added my clothes back on, etc. the number stays the same! I KNOW it is toying with me!) and I HAVE to devise a strategy to lose less than 2 pounds A MONTH!

Yes, I know that holding steady is a GOOD thing- but my motivation is SERIOUSLY waning. I've GOT to break out of my rut! New York Goal already seems like something of a lost cause :(

Anyhow, I was looking over my Sparkpage today and noticed something that I should have noticed before.

Let's take a look, shall we?:

breakfast:
Duffy's Crumpet, 1 serving
Honey, 0.33 tbsp
Country Crock, Shedd's Spread Country Crock Plus Calcium & Vitamins (Soft),
Tea, brewed, 8 fl oz
Granulated Sugar, 2 individual packet
Tennessee Pride Sausage Links, 0.5 serving
Cookie Crisp Cereal (corn with other grains), 1 cup

lunch:
Heiner's 35 calorie bread, whole-wheat, 1 serving
JIF creamy peanut butter, 1 tbsp
Ruffles Light, 2 oz
Newtons Minis Strawberry, 0.5 serving
Tollhouse Chocolate Chip Cookie, 1 serving

dinner:
Luck's Pinto Beans, 1.5 serving

snack:
Kroger Cherry Cheesecake Yogurt, Lite, 0.5 serving
Pop-Secret 100 calorie Pop Butter popcorn, 1 serving

CALORIES CARBS FAT PROTEIN
Totals: 1,102 184 32 33

At first glance, not so bad! It is WELL within my calorie and fat range for the day, at least...but it's ALL CARBS! On top of that, it's really just the same empty-calorie JUNK that I was eating while I was fat, only in smaller calories. I don't think that I ever noticed before what I was doing. I KNOW that carbs make me hungry. I discovered that years ago: a peanut butter sandwich and a banana will tide me over all day. A bowl of sugary cereal will have me hungry in half an hour- but I haven't been applying what I learned.

Ugh.

Well, I think that I know what to do, at least: 1) go back to planning my meals in advance more carefully and 2) concentrate on QUALITY as much as quantity.

*SCREAM*

SO FRUSTRATED.

I'm at 178...I /think/- the scale keeps waffling between 178 and 181. I feel like I've been on the cusp of the 170's forever. I know that the main culprit is the fact that I fell off the wagon while I was in Scotland, but this is SO frustrating! The longer my plateau holds, the more I feel like letting go!

I really, REALLY wanted to be in the 170's for Scotland. By cheating a smidge, I made it- but the scale has barely budged since!

My exercise has ramped up in intensity, but lessened in length. It is getting dark too early for me to stay out for an hour anymore. I've started actually RUNNING (okay, 12 minute miles are more like a fast walk :$ but still!) for 30 mins, instead of walking for an hour, and my carb intake is up. I think I'm going to play with going "low carb" this week to see if that helps. Something HAS to give!

I'm PMS this week. Maybe that's part of it? I can never decide if my weight is more or less pre-period. It seems to waffle. Oh, well. I wish I would JUST LOSE WEIGHT ALREADY! :P

I have 6 weeks until New York. That makes my goal of being 164 by then very tough unless a miracle occurs :(

Mama Said There'd Be Days Like This

180.5

SERIOUSLY losing my motivation. I was SO PUMPED last week that I'd managed not to veer TOO far off track with the vacation- but I've been in the 180's for SO LONG. It's really on my nerves. I've tried everything I can think of to shake off this plateau: raising calories, lowering calories, upping excercise intensity (SIGNIFICANT boost from walking to running and mixing in some "The Firm"), upping fiber, upping water. *sigh* I'm nearly at wit's end.

I nearly had a TOTAL binge today. I had KFC (chicken breast and potato wedges) for dinner, followed by a Twix Ice Cream bar. The only salvation is that I fed half of the KFC (1/2 of the wedges,almost all of the skin and 1/2 the meat of the chicken) to my dog, and the ice cream was a "mini" (80 calories).

I still have running left to do...so I'm still "on program", but feeling discouraged, and VERY stressed out. I don't know how much longer I can hold on :( I keep telling myself that if I let go, I'll leave the 180's in the WRONG direction, but it's so HARD!